Do you have a fear of social situations? Or maybe not so much a fear, but a sort of social "anxiety"? If you do you are far from the only one. In fact according to an expert's study, the world's number one fear is public speaking, closely followed by the fear of death. With people who tend to be unhappy, social fears seem to manifest even more greatly. This can really wreck our quality of life.
Now contrast these sorts of feeling with the so-called "social butterfly"? We all know one. Don't they seem much more happier than the introvert? They do, because they are. Being more social is a quick road towards being more happy.
Now I understand, being more social doesn't come easy for a lot of people. However, the following tips can help you expand your social skills and have positive effects in every area of your life.
Learn to Be Approachable.
We've discussed the power of a smile earlier in our Guide, and the advice holds true here as well. Smile wide and often.
It sends the message that you are a friendly and social person. Hardly anyone will try to start or continue a conversation with someone whose face is in a constant scowl. Be sure to be aware of your body language and the image of you it also sends. Whole books have been written on the subject and if you feel it's an issue you really need to work on, by all means pick one up.
For most of us simply not folding our arms and standing up straight without a slouch will send enough of a positive vibe to allow social doors to open. Basic advice that's worth its weight in gold.
Make Eye Contact.
The eyes are said to be the windows of the soul. Making eye contact when you speak to people conveys an unspoken message of confidence and trustworthiness. You will seem much more charismatic through using eye contact alone. Others may not be able to explain why they find you more compelling... this is a technique which uses the subconscious mind to our advantage. This tip alone can be life changing!
Go Out More.
This may seem like common sense, but the best way to be more social is to go out more often. This is difficult for many of us, unless we actually schedule it much like gym sessions.
Arrange social events with friends. This can be just one on one meetings or with groups of people. If you do not currently have people in your life who live locally and are able or willing to meet up with then try to find social opportunities where you can meet new people. There are meet up events and clubs taking place all around you and all the time. Try to find something that you are interested in as this will mean you will have things in common with the people that will be there. It will more than likely feel awkward when you start doing these things but the more you do it the more comfortable you will feel and your social anxiety will reduce over time. After a while you will start to enjoy meeting people and socialising and when this happens you will notice that you start feeling more happy and confident in all social situations.
I am not saying that you need to become a socialite and go out every night but having some social interaction will increase your happiness and can make a huge difference to your life in the long run.
If you try this and you still struggle to make connections with people it may be worth seeking some support through a social coach or possibly a counselor so you can identify and overcome personal issues you may have that are holding you back in social situations.
Be Fully Present.
It can be hard to concentrate and be fully present during a conversation when you have a lot on your mind. Your mind can easily start to wonder without you meaning for it to and you may not even realise that you are doing it. This can become quite obvious to the other person and can make you look uninterested in the conversation and can come across as quite rude. The key here is to try and be aware of this and if you notice yourself thinking about something else then refocus on the conversation straight away. Being fully present within a conversation is very powerful and if it is done properly it will help to build rapport with the other person.
Ask Questions.
One of the secrets of having people enjoy your conversation skills is to listen more and talk less. Remember the saying ‘you have two ears and one mouth so use them proportionally’! A simple way of accomplishing this is by asking more questions and actively listening to the answers. When I say actively listening I mean that you are listening to understand what the other person is saying and not listening to respond to what they are saying. When we are listening to respond we may not be listening very effectively. Instead we may be thinking about what to ask next or thinking about what we want to say when the other person has finished talking. When we are thinking about our response before the other person has finished what they are saying we may actually miss the point they are trying to put forward. Asking questions and actively listening will quickly build comfort and rapport. It will also make having interesting conversations much easier and make your social life much more relaxed and happy.
A social life is a happy life. Open up the doors and let people in. You will be glad you did.
Being more social is just one way to increase the your level of happiness and it may take time for you to build the skills and confidence to make a big change in your life. Please take the time to look through the rest of the content on this site to help you find other techniques and exercises which can help you in your journey to achieve better social skills and to increase your happiness.
Alternatively you can get in touch with me and see how I can help you personally and get you results fast like I have done with all my other clients.
I wish you all the happiness you can possibly get! Take care of yourself!
